Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Hell of a Question


The following is an actual question given on University of Arizona chemistry mid term.  
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:  

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.  
 One student, however, wrote the following:  

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:  

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.  

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 

So which is it?  

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
'Oh my God.' 


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Ikea's Manland

It's true.  Guys now have a place to go when our wives ask us to go shopping.

Typically when my wife asks me to go shopping I feign a burst appendix or try to think of something I have to do around the house.  

My wife loves to shop.  She is good at it.  She will spend hours wandering and looking.  She gets good deals. 

I like to commando shop.  No - that's not shopping without underpants.  It is knowing what single item you want before you go into the store, heading right to it without distraction, taking less than a minute to grab it and heading directly to the check out.  The mission is complete in 3 minutes and 15 seconds if the check out line is short.  If I am in the store for more than 5 minutes I expect my unit to come in on a rescue mission. 

Ikea, the Swedish furniture giant, has come up with a great idea.  They have a room for guys to play foosball or watch football.  Sort of like a daddy day care, only it is dad who is being watched. 

I can't wait for this to come to the US.  I will actually want to go to Ikea.  My wife can browse to her heart's content while I catch up on ESPN.  I wonder if I can show up in my pajamas?

Two dudes play a game of foosball in IKEA's Manland, an adult play area for those bored husbands and boyfriends.
Two dudes play a game of foosball in IKEA's Manland, an adult play area for those bored husbands and boyfriends. Photo: YouTube